My Top 5 Playground Pet Peeves

I thought that today I would start a series of Top 5 lists. Why? Because who doesn't love a good countdown list? Casey Casom (is that how you spell his name?) and David Letterman have practically made careers out of them. So to kick the series off, here is my first one.

Top 5 Things I Find Annoying at the Playground:

5. Wood Chips. As one of my friends said, "Who had the idea of, 'Hey, here is a place where children play. Let's put thousands of sharp, pointy, splintery objects right at their feet!'" Not to mention that they get into my boys' shoes (those things can penetrate through any sock and shoe combo), and, as I recently discovered, can also be shoved up a two-year old's nose surprisingly quickly.

4. Toy Misers. These are the parents and/or children who bring 50 toys to the playground that no other child is supposed to touch. There is a particular mom that we call the Sandbox Nazi. She brings her daughter to the sandbox, surrounds her with a ring of toys, then proceeds to take the toy out of any child's hand who should be so unfortunate as to attempt to play with one of the aforementioned toys. Not only that, but one boy tried to give the girl one of HIS toys, and the mom promptly took it from her daughter's hand and returned it to the boy. Hello! Yeah, good luck with THAT daughter when she is a teeneager. I cannot POSSIBLY see how anything could go wrong since you are teaching her at such an early age how to be SUCH a good sharer!

3. US Weekly Moms. Okay, we all glance at the glossies in the supermarket line. Maybe even buy one if we have to go on a long airplane ride with our children. But if your entire playground conversation is about Brad and Angelina, or if you can't find anything better to talk about than the Federlines, it may be time to get your own life. Seriously.

2. Smokers. Listen up nicotine junkies. We all know it is bad for you, so why the hell would you do it somewhere where 90% of the surrounding population is 5 and under? Are you for real? I don't try to sneak veggies and fruits in my kids' diets and make sure they drink milk and get exercise and all of that so that you can go and shorten their life expectancy with your second-hand smoke. Not to mention that you are front and center and setting a bad example for, do I need to say it again, CHILDREN. Go puff somewhere else, preferably inside your own home.

1. Dry Clean Only Children. You know the ones. The kids that are wearing an outfit that looks like it belongs in a pageant, and the ones whose moms wipe them down so obsessively that the poor kid will be lucky to have skin left at age 6. If you can't spot these children and mommies, you can find them by listening for comments like, "Sweetie, we don't play in puddles," or "Come here and let Mommy fix your hair. It's all messed up. There, that's better. Now go and play and try not to get dirty! Mommy loves you!" Usually, these comments are accompanied by glares at you and your own children. This is because your children ARE in the mud puddle having a great time, and their hair looks like, well, looks like they have been playing at a playground, for Pete's sake! Kids should be windblown and dirty and have scrapes on their knees. They have the whole rest of their lives to be clean. So just relax, get back to drinking your Starbucks, and put the wipes down. Your children will thank you.