The Weight State

We spent the last week in Texas. We went out there for my little brother's wedding, which was great, by the way. They used the fool-proof fun wedding format -- ten minute cermony, six hour party. That WAY beats those horrific hour-long ceremonies.

Anyways, despite the fact that I grew up in Texas, going back to visit freaks the bejeezus out of me. One reason is that EVERY single conversation involves weight. Here are the rules for conversing with another female in Texas:

1. Start by saying "hi" (pronounced "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiii") and give a five-tap backpat/hug.

2. Now you must both spend the next five minutes talking about your size. Politics? No. Poverty? No. Current Events? No. Weight? YES.

3. The heavier person in the conversation should talk first. She should tell the thinner person that they look great.

4. Now the thinner person should deny this, and explain all of the flaws with her body. Then the thinner person should tell the larger person that she also looks great.

5. Now the larger person should say that they do NOT look great, and offer a myriad of reasons as to why not. This is when the larger person should say things like, "It has been hard exercising with the kids" or "I have been too busy at work to find the time to work out."

6. Now that both of you have bashed your own appearances, you are free to discuss the weight loss or gain of every single person that you know.


I can count on one hand the number of times that I have discussed my weight in a conversation since moving to California. I am a totally average size, by the way. Not fat, not skinny, just "normal," so there is not really much to discuss about my size. Unless I am in Texas. What is up with that??